The Bittersweet Experiences of a Young American Woman with Iranian Men.

            I am an independent American woman in her 30âs who has dated two Persian men in her past.  One taught me the meaning of true love, and the other taught many sleepless nights of heartache.  I cannot begin to reconcile the differences between two people coming from identical cultures.  But I will tell my story regarding the first.

My first true love was with someone I grew up with since high school.  I will call him Kamran.  He told me once that when his eyes first gazed upon me in 8^th grade he fell in love.  I believe him, because I know he believes it to this day.  And I can live to tell the love he gave me.  It is like no other.

I remember once we were talking after class in our last year of high school.  Up until that point I never suspected that he was interested in me.  But that day he realized that I took the bus back to my home after school, and because he did not want me to ride alone, he took the bus all the way home with me, walked me to my door, and then promptly turned around and rode the bus all the way back home.  I had never had anyone take the time to show such consideration.  And such respect.

These acts were repeated constantly when we started to date while I was in college.  He lived over three hours drive away from me in college, and yet one night he left his apartment and drove all that way just to help me with the physics homework I was having so much trouble with.  He never asked for anything in return, physically, emotionally or professionally.  It was simply a pure act of love.

I could do no wrong in Kamranâs eyes.  When I was overjoyed, he was too.  When I was pained, his eyes would water.  If I did something that pained him, he would never let me know.  He only wanted me to know that he loved me.  And that my happiness meant everything to him. 

Our weekends together were pure heaven.  He or I would drive the three hours to see each other, and every time either of us got out of the car we ran into each otherâs arms and held each other for as long as we could.  At night we slept in each otherâs arms.  His eyes were mesmerizing every time I looked into them.  I had never seen someone who was so pure and passionate.  And without fail, when it was time to return to our homes both of us literally had tears in our eyes saying goodbye. 

As time went on I acclimated very well to the Persian culture.  I would spend a lot of time with Kamranâs mother, who is the sweetest woman I have ever met.  She treated me like a daughter as I watched her cook Gourmet Zabzi.  I also spent a lot of time with some of Kamranâs aunts and uncles.  These experiences, especially during Persian New Year, taught me the art of a Persian household. 

Kamran also wrote me the most BEAUTIFUL poems I ever read.  It was not very often; I only have a few.  But they illustrated what a passionate person Kamran is.

I was with Kamran for about four years.  All the things I have said so far are only a very small portion of all the beauty I shared with him.  Since then I have realized and come to appreciate what kind of person he is.  He knew the meaning of Love, and gave his heart completely.  The fairytales in the movies are things I truly experienced with Kamran.  And since then my heart cries when I see a love story, because I can relate first hand.

The way he made love to me spoke volumes.  Never selfish, always gentle.  It was just another extension of what we felt for each other.  As a woman who grew up in a strict Catholic environment, the love we made could never possibly make it wrong.  It was just two people expressing the most beautiful experience one could give to another. 

But sometimes true fairytales are tragic.  My experience with Kamran was the story in the movie Titanic.  Kamran had nothing material to offer me; only his true love.  And just as in the movie, I can swear in front of God and all others that he would have died for me, even if only to show his devotion to me. 

To say why we broke up is painful to write.  He did not want children, and I did.  He always said ãwhy would I want to bring a child into this cruel world?ä  I could not understand.  And I was not strong enough to let it go.  I wanted the fairytale, but I also wanted a family.  All he wanted was me.  So letting him go was the most difficult decision.  Years have passed, and I have not been married, nor do I have children.  I know I still want that, but I will always wonder if I made the right choice.  I cannot say what is more important to me as a woman: a family that I have dreamed of since I was a school girl, or to find someone who would completely love me unconditionally.    

After Kamran I was lost for so long· I am an attractive woman, so finding men who were interested was not a problem.  Finding a man who would treat me the way he did was.  I never ãsearchedä to date another Persian man, but I also have a good understanding of Persian families, which made it easy for me to somehow attract people from Iran.  Even my girlfriends are Persian.  I suppose all the years growing up with many Persian friends in my circle made me almost Persian myself.  Anyone who walks into my home can see the influence by the Persian artwork on my walls.

Then I met another Persian man.  I will call him Hadi.  Since I already knew so much, more than most American women, of Persians, it was not hard to get to know each other.  Both Kamran and Hadi were similar in one respect: they were extremely passionate men.  However, passion is not always a good thing.  Hadi could be verbally abusive, and be passionate about being that way.  That story may be for another article·

Kamran never asked details about my personal life later on, but he knew I was pained by someone.  And although Kamran was thousands of miles away at this point, he still made it known that he still love me deeply.  I remember I spent the millennium alone and he chose to stay up despite the time difference to talk to me on the phone over the new year just so I would not be alone.   

To this day, I believe I will never experience a love like Kamranâs.  And I will forever fear I have made the wrong choice.  But one thing is certain: When a Persian man treats you with the utmost respect and loves you with all his heart, you will never have to wonder as long as you never breach his trust.  This may be true for any man, but a Persian man may capture your heart like no other.  This I know from experience.  My loyalties will forever be with Kamran, even if it means I will never be with him.  I believe the following poem by him to me makes it clear why:

                       Since I can remember of mine,

But one wish has been clear,

To be loved by one whose love,

From evil shall not hear.

Since I can remember of mine,

But one horror has shown me fear,

A world with no such love,

Condemning my eyes forever to tear.

Will my love for you endure,

You wonder but need only peer,

You beauty, my first gaze,

Over me a spell it cast and drew me near.

But with love, only yours so pure,

You wiped away my very last tear.

Now do you see, my true love,

Why it is you whom above all I hold dear·

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