Iranian Families (Continued)

by: Behnaz Jallali

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Life Cycle and Tradition

Parents gain more respect and power as they get older.  In their older age, parents may retain their own residence and be looked after by the children or they may live with one of them.  There are no nursing homes.

When death occurs, the mourning ceremonies are an important function for the family and the neighborhood where the person has lived.  Mourning is expressed quite openly especially by women, to the point that they often faint out of extreme grief.  The neighborhood and the community are very much involved in supporting the bereaved emotionally, soothing them, bringing food, visiting often, and talking with them about the deceased person.

No formal funeral homes exist, and the dead body may remain in the home for one to two days-in a secluded area of the house in the presence of a clergyman reciting prayers.  Then the body is taken to the cemetery.  the mourning lasts for three days; a memorial for the dead is held by the family on the seventh day, the 40th day, and the first-year anniversary.  On these occasions the extended family, friends; and community visit the grieved, and the dead are remembered.  It is generally believed that a person is judged after death and, depending upon the sum total of his or her acts during his or her life, is sent to hell or heaven.

Wealth passes from husband to wife and children, but the shares are unequal-sons receive a full share, daughters a half share, and the wife a smaller share.  However, the wife can own property in her own name, whether from an urban or rural background.

The traditional family has a structure that is relatively immune to conflict and tension.  While to an outside observer this structure may appear as a source of conflict, the values and roles are internalized and accepted as norms, and conflicts are at a minimum.  Women generally accept their husbands' dominance, at least on the surface, and complain little about it outwardly.  Family loyalties and the sense of obligation go a long way.  Foreigners are repeatedly astonished that Iranian women accept the situation when their husbands bring their mothers, sisters, and other relatives to share their home.

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