The passengers who had left
Rome by the night express had had to stop until dawn at the
small station of Fabriano in order to continue their journey by
the small old-fashioned local joining the main line with Sulmona.
At dawn, in a stuffy and smoky
second-class carriage in which five people had already spent the
night, a bulky woman in deep mourning was hosted in--almost like
a shapeless bundle. Behind her--puffing and moaning, followed
her husband--a tiny man; thin and weakly, his face death-white,
his eyes small and bright and looking shy and uneasy.
Having at last taken a seat he
politely thanked the passengers who had helped his wife and who
had made room for her; then he turned round to the woman trying
to pull down the collar of her coat and politely inquired
"Are you all right,
dear?"
The wife, instead of
answering, pulled up her collar again to her eyes, so as to hide
her face.
"Nasty world,"
muttered the husband with a sad smile.
And he felt it his duty to
explain to his traveling companions that the poor woman was to
be pitied for the war was taking away from her her only son, a
boy of twenty to whom both had devoted their entire life, even
breaking up their home at Sulmona to follow him to Rome, where
he had to go as a student, then allowing him to volunteer for
war with an assurance, however, that at least six months he
would not be sent to the front and now, all of a sudden,
receiving a wire saying that he was due to leave in three days'
time and asking them to go and see them off.
The woman under the big coat
was twisting and wriggling, at times growling like a wild
animal, feeling certain that all those explanations would not
have aroused even a shadow of sympathy from those people
who--most likely--were in the same plight as herself. One of
them, who had been listening with particular attention, said
"You should thank God
that your son is only leaving now for the front. Mine has been
sent there the first day of the war. He has already come back
twice wounded and been sent back again to the front."
"What about me? I have
two sons and three nephews at the front," said another
passenger.
"Maybe, but in our case
it is our only son," ventured the husband.
"What difference can it
make? You may spoil your only son by excessive attentions, but
you cannot love him more than you would all your other children
if you had any. Parental love is not like bread that can be
broken to pieces and split amongst the children in equal shares.
A father gives all his love to each one of his children without
discrimination, whether it be one or ten, and if I am suffering
now for my two sons, I am not suffering half for each of them
but double..."
"True...true..."
sighed the embarrassed husband, "but suppose (of course we
all hope it will never be your case) a father has two sons at
the front and he loses one of them, there is still one left to
console him...while..."
"Yes," answered the
other, getting cross, "a son left to console him but also a
son left for whom he must survive, while in the case of the
father of an only son if the son dies the father can die too and
put an end to his distress. Which of the two positions is worse?
Don't you see how my case would be worse than yours?"
"Nonsense,"
interrupted another traveler, a fat, red-faced man with
bloodshot eyes of the palest gray.
He was panting. From his
bulging eyes seemed to spurt inner violence of an uncontrolled
vitality which his weakened body could hardly contain.
"Nonsense,"he
repeated, trying to cover his mouth with his hand so as to hide
the two missing front teeth. "Nonsense. Do we give life to
our own children for our own benefit?"
The other travelers stared at
him in distress. The one who had had his son at the front since
the first day of the war sighed "You are right. Our
children do not belong to us, they belong to the
country..."
"Bosh," retorted the
fat traveler. "Do we think of the country when we give life
to our children? Our sons are born because...well, because they
must be born and when they come to life they take our own life
with them. This is the truth. We belong to them but they never
belong to us. And when they reach twenty they are exactly what
we were at their age. We too had a father and mother, but there
were so many other things as well...girls, cigarettes,
illusions, new ties...and the Country, of course, whose call we
would have answered--when we were twenty--even if father and
mother had said no. Now, at our age, the love of our Country is
still great, of course, but stronger than it is the love of our
children. Is there any one of us here who wouldn't gladly take
his son's place at the front if he could?"
There was a silence all round,
everybody nodding as to approve.
"Why then,"
continued the fat man, "should we consider the feelings of
our children when they are twenty? Isn't it natural that at
their age they should consider the love for their Country (I am
speaking of decent boys, of course) even greater than the love
for us? Isn't it natural that it should be so, as after all they
must look upon us as upon old boys who cannot move any more and
must sat at home? If Country is a natural necessity like bread
of which each of us must eat in order not to die of hunger,
somebody must go to defend it. And our sons go, when they are
twenty, and they don't want tears, because if they die, they die
inflamed and happy (I am speaking, of course, of decent boys).
Now, if one dies young and happy, without having the ugly sides
of life, the boredom of it, the pettiness, the bitterness of
disillusion...what more can we ask for him? Everyone should stop
crying; everyone should laugh, as I do...or at least thank
God--as I do--because my son, before dying, sent me a message
saying that he was dying satisfied at having ended his life in
the best way he could have wished. That is why, as you see, I do
not even wear mourning..."
He shook his light fawn coat
as to show it; his livid lip over his missing teeth was
trembling, his eyes were watery and motionless, and soon after
he ended with a shrill laugh which might well have been a sob.
"Quite so...quite
so..." agreed the others.
The woman who, bundled in a
corner under her coat, had been sitting and listening had--for
the last three months--tried to find in the words of her husband
and her friends something to console her in her deep sorrow,
something that might show her how a mother should resign herself
to send her son not even to death but to a probable danger of
life. Yet not a word had she found amongst the many that had
been said...and her grief had been greater in seeing that
nobody--as she thought--could share her feelings.
But now the words of the
traveler amazed and almost stunned her. he suddenly realized
that it wasn't the others who were wrong and could not
understand her but herself who could not rise up to the same
height of those fathers and mothers willing to resign
themselves, without crying, not only to the departure of their
sons but even to their death.
She lifted her head, she bent
over from her corner trying to listen with great attention to
the details which the fat man was giving to his companions about
the way his son had fallen as a hero, for his King and his
Country, happy and without regrets. It seemed to her that she
had stumbled into a world she had never dreamt of, a world so
far unknown to her, and she was so pleased to hear everyone
joining in congratulating that brave father who could so
stoically speak of his child's death.
Then suddenly, just as if she
had heard nothing of what had been said and almost as if waking
up from a dream, she turned to the old man, asking him
"Then...is your son
really dead?"
Everyone stared at her. The
old man, too, turned to look at her, fixing his great, bulging,
horribly watery light gray eyes, deep in her face. For some time
he tried to answer, but words failed him. He looked and looked
at her, almost as if only then--at that silly, incongruous
question--he had suddenly realized at last that his son was
really dead--gone for ever--for ever. His face contracted,
became horribly distorted, then he snatched in haste a
handkerchief from his pocket and, to the amazement of everyone,
broke into harrowing, heart-breaking, uncontrollable sobs.
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